Let’s get one thing straight from the start: I am not a retriever. My name is Bella, I’m a Shih Tzu, and the only thing I fetch is attention. My humans have tried to convince me otherwise—tossing squeaky toys, tennis balls, and even the occasional slipper in my direction—but I stare at them with the same puzzled expression every time. Why would I run after something that they clearly threw away on purpose?

I prefer a life of comfort. My days begin when I say they do, which is usually around 10 a.m. after a long, luxurious stretch in bed. Morning walks? Only if the weather is perfectly sunny, the temperature is just right, and the route passes my favorite coffee shop where the barista slips me bits of dog biscuit. Rain? Snow? Forget it. I’ll be right here under the blanket, thank you very much.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I adore my humans. They feed me gourmet kibble, carry me up and down stairs (as if my tiny legs could be expected to tackle those!), and let me nap in the sunniest spots of the house. But they still seem baffled by my utter disinterest in their beloved game of fetch.

From my perspective, fetch is a raw deal. You run, you pant, you bring the thing back—only to have it thrown away again. If my human wants the ball so badly, they’re welcome to go get it themselves. I’ll be over here, supervising from my plush pillow throne, looking adorable.

Of course, being a spoiled Shih Tzu comes with certain expectations. I require daily grooming to keep my silky coat in top form. I expect an assortment of toys (strictly for chewing or carrying around, not retrieving). And I insist on premium treats—none of that generic stuff.

Some may call me spoiled. I call it knowing my worth. I am not built for the working-dog lifestyle; I am built for being adored, photographed, and given belly rubs on demand. My humans seem to have accepted this—though every now and then, they still try the fetch thing.

I let them throw the ball. I let them hope. Then I turn my head and go back to my nap.

After all, I’m Bella the Shih Tzu. And I don’t do fetch.